STORY OF RED INDIAN COUPLE

This is a story of a Red Indian couple who just got married. 

After six months,......... the wife has not conceived. 

So the couple went to seek the help of the Red 'Chief' who is also the tribe's medicine man. 

Indian said to the chief: "Many moons come, many moons go; I come, baby no come, how come?" 

Chief to Indian: "Young man, go to the ninth mountain over there and come back after nine months". 

After nine months the Indian came back to the village. He went to his wife and saw his wife carrying a baby. At once he pulled the wife to see the Chief. 

He said to the Chief: "Many moons come, many moons go, I no come, baby come, how come?" 

The Chief turned to the wife for an answer. 

The wife said: "Many moons come, many moons go, you no come, many men come!

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HAVE A GOOD LAUGH!

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.

AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.

THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.'

THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS,

'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'

'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'

'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.'

HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'

'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'

'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW..... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'

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Never Lie To A Woman...!!!

A man called home to his wife and said, ' Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends

We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up'
' Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. '

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, 'Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. 

But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?'

You'll love the answer...

The wife replied, 'I did. They're in your fishing box ...' 

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Mexicans....very honest people....

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KOK BENG STORY

Why did Kok Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed !

Kok Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Kok Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Kok Beng : "Give me a green one, please "

Kok Beng is filling up an application form for a job. He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc. Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the question. After much thought, he writes " Yes"

After taking photocopies of documents, Kok Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

Kok Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.

Why can't Kok Beng dial 911?
Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

Kok Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it. When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.

Kok Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an
hour and still nobody come and help me ?!"

Kok Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear "Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .... what happened to the other ear ?" Kok Beng answered

"That stupid dumbo called back!!!!"

Kok Beng talked to a long-distance telephone operator.

Kok Beng: "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei
AND LAS VEGAS ?"

Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."

Kok Beng : "THANK YOU " AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time,
Kok Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.

"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Kok Beng brags.

"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.

"YOU ARE A FOOL." Kok Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS".

At a bar in New York, the man to Kok Beng's left tells the bartender, JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE" and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE". The bartender approaches Kok Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?" Kok Beng replies : "Tan Kok Beng, MARRIED

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GOOD ADULT HUMOUR

Failure  is not when your girlfriend leaves you,

it's only when you leave her a virgin.

Tension is when wife is pregnant!

Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!

Horror is when both are pregnant!

Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female.

And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?

Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?

To see if you really mean it!

Why is sex similar to shaving?

Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again with same perfection.

Wives are funny creatures.

They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks

And then they want to kill the woman who does.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.

Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?

Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.

The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?

Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone

Is still getting screwed!

This week is Breast Awareness Week.

Spread the slogan .......

"We stare because we care!"

The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.

The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.

He sees a guy leaping out of the window.

Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!

Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?

Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?

Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?

Tit-Bits.

And if it bursts in a man's underwear?

Banana split.

What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?

In a bomb blast, population decreases

BUT in a condom blast, population increases.

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A DOCTOR IN DUBLIN

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get  off work and go fishing, so he approached his  assistant 

"Murphy, I am going fishing  tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to  take care of the clinic and take care of all me  patients". 

"Yes, sir!" answers  Murphy. 

The doctor goes fishing and  returns the following day and asks: "So,Murphy, how was  your day?" 

Murphy told him that he took care  of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did,  so I gave him Paracetamol." 
   
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second  one?" asks the doctor 

"The second one had indigestion  and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says  Murphy. 

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this  and what about the third one?" asks the doctor. 

"Sir, I was sitting here and  suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading  her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick!  For five years I have not seen any man!'" 

"Tunderin' lard, Murphy, what  did you do?" asks the  doctor. 

"I put drops in her  eyes."         
                                        

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FUNNY TOILET SIGN

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This is why I have not bought any tickets for the Soccer.

This is too much...... are they g...!!!!

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Kids Really Hate Politicians...(Funny)

Politics is as boring for a child as are Teletubbies for grown-ups! And as if it wasnt enough, politicians love to use them to show they are good and caring people with a big heart. But assisting to a political event and being kissed or taken in the arms of a politician is not the cup of tea of any child!

Look how happy those kids are

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The Advantages of living after 50!

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...

Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02.. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 

03. No one expects you to run anywhere.
 
04. People call at 9 pm and ask,"did I wake you?"
 
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
 
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
 
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
 
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm. 
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
 
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
 
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
 
13. You sing along with elevator music.
 
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
 
15.. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
 
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
 
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
 
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20.And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Forward this to every one you can remember right now!

 Most importantly, never, ever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 
 

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THATS ALL JOKES

BAD DAY

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'

The poor little guy starts crying. 

'Come on, man, I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY. 'I can't stand to see a man crying.' 

'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right.  I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.
'When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.

'So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.'

CHINESE PUBLIC TRANSPORT 

- Cost saving for bus fare

- unlimited passenger

- No police summon

- free hospital meal when.....!!! 

WHY OTHER FRUITS AFRAID TO BANANA!

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