Tuesday, November 30, 2010

There are No Ugly Women, just Poor Ones

There are no ugly women........only poor ones.......   
This photo below was taken at a competition in June 2008.    The competition was between 9 women for best makeover. 
They had every possible beauty treatment available to them over a period of 12 hours before the contest. 

Look at the before and after photos.    Conclusion - there are no ugly women only poor women . 

The woman 2nd from the left won the contest. 

My goodness !!!!!! This is how men get cheated!  

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Extra Marital Affairs

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

The 3rd Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

The 4th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

The 5th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

Friday, November 19, 2010

Why Sex Education Is Important

Muthusamy gets married, and on his wedding night calls his father to get some tips on what to do since he had never been with a woman before....... 

 "So what do I do first?"

His father replies: 

"Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed".

Five minutes later Muthu is on the phone again.

 "She's naked and in bed what do I do now?"

His father can't believe what he is hearing,

"Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her."

After another 5 minutes Muthu is on the phone again. 

"Appachchi, I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?"

His father's patience is now running out so he says,

"Sh*t son, do I have to spell everything out to you?? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees...... Good night"!!!!

"Just when his father starts snoring, Muthu is on the phone again.

"OK Appachchi, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do now?"

"Drown yourself, you bloody idiot !

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