Friday, January 20, 2012

Don't copy if you can't paste!

Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training. Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, ' The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!'

The crowd was shocked. He followed up by saying, 'That woman was my mother!'
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, 'The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!'
His congregation sat shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out '...and I can't remember who she was!'
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale........ Cheap....... . strings attached.

Ad In Hospital Waiting Room: 
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time 

On a bulletin board: 
Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives.

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...
I Gave Up Reading 

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses....
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle. 

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. 
Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off 

Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.' 

Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.... 

Behind Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised Woman. 

The Reason Men Lie Is Because
Women Ask too Many Questions.. 

Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe 
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us. 

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..

Monday, January 16, 2012


In war soldiers get injured, right? Here's how different races exclaim:

When the BRITISH got shot - OH MY GOD.....!!!!
When the MALAY got shot - YA ALLAH....!!!
When the INDIAN got shot - AH-YOYO AMMAH...!!!
But when the CHINESE Hokkien got shot, they go - NABUEH CHEE BYE, TIOK


Signal for sex:

Man marries deaf girl. He mimes to her: "Let's make a signal code if we
She nods and agrees. So he goes: "If I want sex, I'll squeeze your

In response you can shake my penis once for "yes" and 50 times for


Smart Thambi

Thambi ask hooker how much for sex? She says: $50 on bed, $20 on sofa
and $10 on
He then hands her $50. She says: "You man of class, one time on bed...?"
He says: "NO!! 5 times on grass...."


Comfort in Friendship:

"Friends" are like underwear; always a comfort...
"Good friends" are like condoms; always protecting...
"Great friends" are like viagra; lift you up when you're down ...


New drink from Malaysia:

The Malaysian government has approved the release of a new drink made
cutting edge technology.
It's a combination of Horlicks, Milo Kopi & Teh.
It's called - "LICKMYKOTEH"....


Expiry date

A 95 yr old man sucks his 90yr old wife's breast for 1/2 hour, drinks 2
drops of
her milk and dies...
Post-mortem report - Died of drinking something after EXPIRY DATE ...

Biology Lesson

Teacher: A man's penis has 2 key functions: Urination & Reproduction.

Student: But my dad uses it to brush our maid's teeth.


Positive thinking

Positive thinking is like this.... A little bird flies up in the sky;
you look up
and it shits in your eye...
But you don't mind and you don't cry... But you thank God that cows


Sexy Grandma

Last night, grandma wore a see-through top, grandpa didn't notice.
The 2nd night grandma wore a bikini, grandpa got a shock.
And on the 3rd night, she got naked and grandpa says to her: "why is
your dress
so crumpled...???"

Government job

A guy goes to interview for a Government job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"
The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."

"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have
service-related disabilities?"
The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion
removed my private parts so they declared me disabled,
it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."

"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I
can hire
you right now !
Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you
The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to
come at
" Well, here at the government, we don't do anything but sit around and
our balls for the first two hours. No point of your coming in for that


Saturday, January 14, 2012

Why so many keys are so rusty????? Please answer.

Why Why Why
Woman asks:

If I sleep with 3 men, everyone calls me a slut. But when a man sleeps with 10 girls, everyone calls him a real man. How come? Man replies:

It's very simple.
Confucius say 'When one lock can be opened by 3 different keys, it's a bad lock.
But when one key can open 10 different locks, we call it a master key!'.

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