Why complain!

Job that i like to share with you.

1.  My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

2.  Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3.  After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4.  Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5.  Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

6.  Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... couldn't cut the mustard.

7.  My best job was as a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

8.  I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.

9.  Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory.  Tried hard but just didn't fit in.  

10.  I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

11.  Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

12.  So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

13.  After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14.  My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

15.   So, I tried RETIREMENT and found I'm perfect for the JOB!

        

CONFUSING ENGLISH                                                      
                                                                          
1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?          
                                                                          
2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?                          
                                                                          
3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?        
                                                                          
4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland  called Holes?                                                            
                                                                          
5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?            
                                                                          
6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?              
                                                                          
7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to Make terrible?                                                                
                                                                          
8. Why is it called building when it is already built?                  
                                                                          
9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?              
                                                                          
10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do Bars have parking lots?                                                            
                                                                          
11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around Several times, does he become disoriented?                                                  
                                                                          
12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Human ???
                                                                          
13 . If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???                                                                  
                                            
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