This one did make me laugh
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight. Being a little concerned, he asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed, ' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples! pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,
'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
'I know,' she said. 'I'm his Grandma'.
WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12 !!!
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, what are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.
"Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers,
"TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."
Anita was in her late thirties and still not married.
She just had a hard time meeting men. And the men she did meet all ended up being jerks.
Finally, she decided to place an ad in the personals in the newspaper.
Anita wrote: "Looking for a man who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is excellent in bed."
Several days went by and she hadn't gotten a single call. Then, one day she was doing her laundry when she heard a knock on the door.
She walked upstairs to answer it. She opened the door and saw a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.
"Can I help you?" Anita asked.
He said, "I am the man of your dreams!"
Anita was baffled. She said, "Excuse me."
"I read your personal ad in the paper and I am the perfect man for you. I have no arms, so I can't beat you. I have no legs, so I can never leave you."
"But are you good in bed?" Anita asked.
He replied, "How do you think I knocked on the door?!"
Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hadn't gotten out of
her mourning. Her daughter constantly urged her to get back into the
world. Finally, Karen said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her
daughter immediately replied: "Mom! I have someone for you to meet".
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for
six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in the
Catskills. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood
nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, and he was in his birthday
Looking at her, he asked: "Why the black panties?"
She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but
down there I am still in mourning."
He knew he wasn't getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same scenario. She was standing there with the
black panties on, and he was in his birthday suit ... except that he was
wearing a black condom. She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black
He replied: "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
Thats all for today jokes!